Different mediums demand different investments by the creator.
Building sand castles, the medium requests that the creator be in touch with wonder. Designing comic panels and strips draws out my disappointment, skepticism and sensitivity to incongruity and hypocrisy. When making music, I’m almost always in minor key as sadness seems to be what most easily is exposed.
Like making my way through a plate of poorly filleted fish, writing constantly demands I stop and remove the bones of bad grammar and poorly formed ideas. Still, as difficult as the journey to satiation always is, the medium encourages me to show how things not obviously connected are. Writing compels me to build bridges, draw connections, find the hidden harmonies in ways that sand art, comic creation and music making do not.
Building structures in sand, drawing and making music feel effortless to me. I’m not suggesting that the results of my creations are particularly satisfying to anyone else (though I am pretty proud of my sand castles). I’m just saying that the process is an easy flow. Writing, that’s a totally different thing.
The process of trying to find words to bridge the chasm between another human being and me feels to be a recreation of the mysteries I seek to understand. I track hints to how/when/why humans began to use words. I listen to how consciousness emerges in children as they grow. I seek understanding of how society transforms the relationship between the individual and the whole as that process unfolds. I want to cradle the parts of me still feeling separated, with a greater consciousness embrace.
It’s personal. I didn’t begin talking until I was three. Exploring the origins of humans feels like looking for the origins of me. Discoveries while exploring evolution, societal transformation and ontogeny inform how I understand myself. Self explorations suggest how I study the other scales.
I seek to understand and be intimate with creation and evolution by engaging, by writing about the process of creation and evolution.
This engagement is difficult for me. Still, not all the fish are boney. Occasionally, the fish eat me.