Disappointment

December 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Category: Auto-Biography

(Written 8/27/08)

I couldn’t sleep last night.  We’ve a bed on the third floor, high enough to be above most bugs, so we leave the window open behind our heads.  A huge oak waves and whispers all night long inches from our ears.  Crickets accompany the moving leaves.

Two days ago, the Google alert on autism that gets emailed to me daily had three articles on the surge in autism among Somali children.  By chance, the next day, yesterday, I was publishing a blog on the influence of light on the pineal gland influencing testosterone levels impacting maturation rates that cause some autism when there are changes in latitude.  When this theory came to me ten years ago, it predicted high percentages of autism among equatorial populations immigrating to northern climes.  The Somali cases were exact examples of the prediction.

I’d written the piece 100 days before.  It takes that long, after multiple revisions and review by an editor, before a piece posts.  The last three autism pieces I’d posted all appeared in that day’s Google alert.  Google spiders my blog after I post around 6:30 a.m. and ranks the new posts later in the day, linking to them from the alert.  Yesterday, I looked forward to the unusual occurrence of my posting a blog relevant to the previous day’s news.  I was excited that the Google autism alert would likely present my autism cause theory, a theory that was directly relevant to unexplained cases that were emerging.

“Minnesota Somali Autism:  Geography and Light” did not appear in the alert.

As an amateur theorist exploring contemporary applications of nineteenth century evolutionary theories, working across several disciplines, occasionally addressing spiritual issues, with no allies in academia, I’m left to the Internet to find support.  It’s not that I didn’t send letters and emails to academics working within the several disciplines I was exploring.  What I was presenting to them was just too far outside their working paradigm.  I was/am an amateur.  I had no allies.

I’m a web developer by profession, so I have savvy on how to get a site high rankings.  Regardless, occasions where I feel I’ve made contact with the research community are rare.  I’ve grown used to this.  Still, even though I had only 24 hours to build up anticipation, yesterday’s disappointment went deep.

Not able to sleep deeply, chunks of theory gently pummeled me while I quasi-slept.  This was not a situation where I sought a solution to a theory riddle.  What was occurring was my unconscious/conscious seeking a new way to arrange the primary elements of the theory to make it more accessible.  A metaphor would do.  I felt like I was the observer of consciousness processes seeking ways to build bridges, pathways that would allow more visitors into my world.

When I awoke, no solution was at hand.  Sitting down to write my daily piece, I find myself just sharing the disappointment.  Clearly, theory is not just the transcribing of the insights in a fashion that allows for useful predictions.  Theory needs handles or bridges providing access to those unfamiliar with the landscapes it represents.

I’ve decided to take the advice of the oak tree and the crickets.  But it will take me time to translate what they’re saying into words.


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